“What do I need?” is the magic question that unlocks our power to face the challenges ahead. It’s like weight training: the heavier the weight, the stronger the muscle must be to lift it without injuring (or lift it at all). This means that the greater the challenge, the more we need to train and nurture the “muscles” that will help us rise to the moment.
And COVID-19 is bringing quite the moment!
Given the scale of the pandemic, the potentially dire consequences, the onslaught of alarming news, and the escalating restrictions we are asked to comply with, it’s no surprise that we feel anxious! As a species, we are designed to detect danger, and at the moment the messages are not exactly subtle...
This all presents our minds with a unique challenge that does not naturally fit with our beautifully designed problem-solving capacities.
So, what do we need? There are MANY RESOURCES circulating on the internet (I LISTED a number of them AT THE END OF THIS POST; two of them are designed specifically for health providers). They are all wonderful and very effective.
However, your mind is going to try to steer all of your energy away from what you need and towards solving the wrong problem.
How so?
When we feel unsettled, our mind tries to help us by doing what it does best: creative problem-solving. Now, our mind is extremely good at solving problems. What it’s really bad at is solving feelings.
And COVID-19 presents a unique challenge indeed, which doesn’t have an obvious solution: it’s invisible, not easily controllable, we don’t know much about it, and it can be lethal.
This creates in most of us two overwhelming feelings: loss (e.g., of our sense of safety, freedom of movement, income, connections) and uncertainty (about what the future will bring for us, our loved ones, and the world).
Our mind doesn’t have a concrete solution to prevent those feelings from rising (we really can’t stop change from happening and we can’t predict the future), and so it goes to task trying to minimize the actual feelings or get rid of them altogether.
Have you ever tried getting rid of feelings? Not a winning proposition…
But that doesn’t stop our mind from trying! And to do so it begins using shortcuts:
We minimize (it’s no big deal!): both the feelings of loss and uncertainty are gone
We rush to catastrophizing (it’s all lost!): at least the feeling of uncertainly is gone, even though feelings of loss are intensified (when stressed, the mind is all for playing whack-a-mole if there are any short terms benefits at all)
We use an all-or-none strategy (I’m either 100% safe or 100% unsafe!): the feeling of uncertainty is minimized, but again not without side effects
Here is a full list of our mind’s common shortcuts (we usually have a couple of favorites that we tend to cycle through, find yours!)
These shortcuts might relieve the immediate sting of feeling loss or uncertainty, but we are no further ahead in copying with our reality.
And we are going to feel loss and uncertainty for a while. In fact, we always feel them, as change is the only constant in life, but many of us are not used to feeling them quite so intensely for quite so long.
What is required of us is resilience and adaptability. How do we access them?
Our greatest wisdom (i.e., resilience and adaptability) emerges from a state of centered (not overwhelmed) alertness, which requires a certain amount of inner resources. So answering the magic question (“what do I need?”) and learning to sustain the feelings of loss and uncertainty is key.
Don’t let your mind distract you by hijacking all of your inner resources to seek ineffective solutions to the wrong problems (i.e., trying not to feel the feelings of loss and uncertainty).
You need your attention to remain squarely on finding micro-moments of refueling in the midst of all the fast-paced changes (that’s a “problem” your mind is actually good at solving!). The more effectively you take care of yourself, the more creatively and powerfully you are going to be able to rise to the moment and stay the course.
As you become increasingly more effective at refueling, you can use those resources to actualize your values (e.g., caring for others) and positively impact what you have influence over (e.g., your loved ones, your neighborhood, your clients).
Our journey through COVID-19 is going to feel more like a marathon than a sprint. Treat it as such! Take care of yourself, pace yourself, be gentle with yourself. Give your full power the chance to emerge.
May COVID-19 allow us to recognize our interconnection and interdependence, and broaden our hearts to include everyone. May it inspire us to support and invest in each other; and not just in the short term, but as a new way of life.
With loss comes the possibility of renewal. We can’t choose to avoid loss, but we can choose and commit to bring about renewal.
May you be well, may you be safe, may you feel cared for!
these resources are for you!
(share them widely)